My most emotional moment was holding my phone up to her ear so my grandfather could say goodbye to his only child. Another blogger I follow also unfortunately lost her Grandma. I never heard a word of bitterness or complaint from her. Do you know youre loved?. It isn't high-tech at all. The last time I saw my grandmother was in April 2013, about nine months before she died. A few days later, her daughters were with her when she passed; I hope she felt their presence, their love and loyalty to her. Loved reading about how she passed Japanese culture to you. When we got word en route that she had died, my husband had to keep assuring the kids that I was okay. Before my grandma died, Id get a hardened, stoic sensation when Id think about her. Beautiful. On New Years Day she would make a special meal for everyone, with futomaki and the inevitable chow mein that is de rigeur at every Japanese Canadian family meal. I believe that if the information is readily available, and consistently reinforced, it's possible to get through to people and to change behavior. I was expecting to choose hospice care for my grandfather when we met with the hospital staff last Thursday. By Bob Thune Ive been in a bit of a shocked state because I think I believed she was eternal, even though she was 94 and getting frailer each time I saw her. Im very sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind thoughts, I appreciate them. A cheerful heart has a continual feast (Proverbs 15:15). Wants and Needs: Teach Your Children the Difference with These Tips, No Matter Your Game, Sports Bring Families Together During Hard Times. She cultivated refinement in her surroundings and her person. I want them to know I had a Grandma Pauline, who filled me with enough love to pass on a gift like that to all of them. I hated watching her unconscious, struggling to breathe and seeing her body succumb a little more each day to dehydration. When confronted with the question of why, Mom laughed and said: I dont know. What you see is what you get. As a beneficiary of that love and of Grandmas legacy, I am grateful. Tweets by @ModernLoss Our last conversation was about Japan. In 1915, her mother came to Canada as a picture bride. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. She kept ikura, which is salmon roe, in Imperial margarine tubs and made me special meals. (When I saw her again, she was unconscious in the days before her passing.) I always wondered what made him such a great man and reading your eulogy gives me insight into his upbringing. 3. Required fields are marked *. I had no idea the next time I saw you, you would be unconscious on your deathbed. Then the war. Ill try to post on those later. She had been a resident at our home on Westbourne Road since 2015. Archives You Might Have the Better Claim But I Have the Bigger Army. Ive edited it a bit because I wrote it to read out: My grandmother, Susan Sugiyama, was a woman I would like to honor today with my memories of her. However, by the time she was 85, the connection Id always considered so special, essential, and real had truly become formal and foreign. But then I realized that would be exactly the wrong approach. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; 3. I told my husband I feel like when I hold her hand, Im asking her to stay with me. For some reason, I knew that she would let go when no one was watching her; I felt she wanted it that way. Two Pleasers In A Relationship, 'http':'https';if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src=p+"://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); Privacy Policy Terms of Service RSS Feed Contact Us Donate, 2013-2022 Modern LossTM, LLC. I am so sorry for your loss but what a moving memorial for her life. You Are Only as Good as the People You Surround Yourself With, By Jamie Kolnick in My Loss, Personal Essays. Ironically, it seems fitting that such body memories ended up dominating a eulogy for someone who died of Alzheimers disease. The loss of my Grandad a few years ago hit me harder that I expected, I wasnt able to read anything at the funeral. Heres a transcript of what I said instead. That morning, however, my grandfather regained full consciousness. 2023 Lauren Flake Grief & Texas, on Saying Goodbye to My Mother: Peace After Alzheimers Disease, Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs, In Memory of My Mother: Funeral Songs For the Love of Dixie, Dear Mom: You Were My First Blessing For the Love of Dixie, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs For the Love of Dixie, Mother's Day: Somewhere in Between Us For the Love of Dixie, When Mother's Day is Hard - For the Love of Dixie, It Is Well with My Soul: Two Years Later - For the Love of Dixie, Living Bravely: Guest Post at Radically Broken - For the Love of Dixie, Guest Post Living Bravely | radicallybroken, Book Review: Forgiveness-Unforgiveness by Erin Olson - For the Love of Dixie, 5 Things Alzheimer's Taught Me about Motherhood - Lauren Flake, If Your Heart Is Just A Little Broken This Mother's Day - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, Why Mother's Day Is Filled with Grief (and Hope) for Me - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, 5 Things That Happen When You Lose Your Mom - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, When Mother's Day is Hard because You Lost Your Mom - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, Though I Walk through the Valley: 12 Days in Psalm 23 Devotional, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? Nina and Grandma Pauline The Riparian Times is a boutique publication with musings about life, travel, fashion and art. We are hoping to move him into a nursing home closer to my grandmother early next week. But she was confused in large groups and had trouble keeping track of the names of what I suspect she considered the extra characters in her life, like our spouses and her great-grandchildren. Life is too short to dwell on the painful memories but long enough to rebuild as your grandmother did. As many of you know, for the last ten years or so, Grandma has suffered from dementia and memory loss, such that in her latter days she was a shadow of her former self. He died in 1977 of a respiratory disease, shortly after the birth of my sister Erin. Saying goodbye to my mother. If you ask my four kids about their memory of Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years ago. By some miracle, this visit included an unusual bright spot of lucidity. I remember staring at the casket spray, made by my amazing friend Terri, through much of the memorial service. Jag har aldrig slutat att grta fr allt han har gtt misste om. She showed me much love and kindness. I will continue to write this column every week, because it's important to put this information in front of people, and to keep it in front of them. Sure, several people offered to help here and there, helping my parents move houses, or more recently, going with me to visit my mother. My grandmother spent one winter living on potatoes, taking shelter in a tent. I was desperate to be wild in grief and my coke-snorting bestie was my ticket to fun. When the funeral finally arrived, I felt like it was for everyone else. I was reading Anne of Green Gables for the first time, and Grandma allowed me to chatter to her nonstop about this landmark book which she hadnt read. We can reduce our risk to a far greater degree than most Americans realize or act upon. But to me, that was a great picture of who Grandma actually was. Your father touched my soul like no one ever has. Maybe some short stories. She took me to church with her, to the Japanese United Church on Victoria Drive, where I met other children with similar backgrounds, and ate homemade udon noodles at the church bazaars. What a life she had and what a blessing she was to you and you to her. They worked hard and their daughters had good educations. Canny Geordie Meaning, I had deja vu from watching my mother in her final days and months of Alzheimers disease. But I know now. Pride. I know what I've found out so far has made a huge difference in my own life. eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's; Recent Comments. Dementia stole my grandmother long ago, leaving me to mourn her all over again when she died years later. In the end, Im grateful to her for everything she was to me, and Im able to feel glad that she is free now. And as you read those words, maybe they'll mean just a little more to you. Your email address will not be published. She taught me a Japanese childrens song; although I couldnt understand the words, I loved singing with her. I remember crying as I sat next to her, holding her hand. She had dementia and wasnt really enjoying life. She also boiled shiitake mushrooms which doesnt smell good to kids and to this day I cant eat shiitake. They say that ones deep childhood memories are the last to leave a brain invaded by Alzheimers, in part because they are literally embodied in ones skin and bones. Keep living your life. After a couple of days of absorbing the shock and trying to erase that final image of my mothers lifeless body, I woke up that Monday morning feeling at peace. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. Thank you for reading the post. I had already spent so many years grieving and honoring the memory of my mother and best friend. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. For someone who is diagnosed with it, there is no cure, and no treatment to reverse its course. For the past 10 years, Grandma suffered from dementia and memory loss so I was tempted to rewind the clock and talk about how she really was in her earlier years. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; she never watched a ball game in which her kids or grandkids werent the most valuable player; and she never understood why John didnt get 100% of the vote in every election. We honored my mother, Dixie Benton Stucky (1953-2013), on Saturday, June 29, 2013.We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. She told the same stories over and over, and as time went on closer and closer together. When I logged onto Zoom to lead a session on friendship, my true love was waiting in the grid. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. She fixed my hair with gentle hands. Individually, people suffered immensely. Vincent OKeefe is a writer and stay-at-home father with a Ph.D. in American literature. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. And now that I can only reach back through the memories, I promise to share the best ones I have with my children and, God-willing, with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. These memories of our time together I hope she retained. Everyone told her that it was okay for her to go home but her stubborn little body just kept fighting. But you never know what small, barely noticeable gestures and habits might become your most visible, defining characteristics in the eyes of your children someday. I didnt hear my grandmother say shoganai. She didnt speak of the internment at all to me. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. personal blog, fashion, street fashion, fashion blog, style, makeup, makeup tests, makeup styles, beauty, beauty, health, hair, haircare, hairstyles. When I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish about the imminent loss of my mother and her father, I had no idea that my mothers battle with Alzheimers disease would end just 8 days later.. Death after Alzheimers disease. Grandma was born in 1919, in Steveston. The words of the Bible rolled off her tongue with ease. Such a nice eulogy to a lovely grandmother. I probably wanted to throttle you and I was taking it out on your heads! We all laughed hard, then noted how long it took for each of us to realize you dont have to shake your head violently to wash your hair. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. But if she lost them, then I can only hope that she lost, too, the bitter memories of wartime and the hard years of struggle afterwards. If you want to chat, I am here. But as long as Mom could still lift a hand, she would lift it in kindness to someone else.". Eulogy for a Grandmother I'm not sure how you begin to talk about a life that spanned nearly a centurya woman whose time included half a dozen wars, The Great Depression, and 17 different presidents. []. When I was 9 our family took a trip to Hawaii and Grandma came along. She was an expert in Japanese flower arranging and traveled with a bolt cutter and hatchet which she used to glean good specimens for her arrangements. They said their final goodbye to their only child after watching her struggle with Alzheimers disease for more than 10 years. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Love for Christ. A beauty blog full of makeup, reviews & more, Experiencing Toronto through the eyes of a surburbanite. I was the eldest, born at least 7 years before the next grandchild, so I commanded her attention, plus she was a fairly young grandmother with lots of energy for a young child. Its difficult today to fully comprehend the pain of this experience, and how it affected our community. The reason is that my mothers mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. They stayed in business until 1973, when Grandpas health forced his retirement. | The next day, Saturday, June 22, 2013, I walked into her room with my dad. But then I realized that winding back the clock would be exactly the wrong thing to do on a day like this. It felt inappropriate to mourn Grandma Pauline, while she was still with us at least in the literal sense, but the spirit of her was so far away. Even though she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and held hands when we walked around Honolulu. Mothers Day is a difficult time for my grandma and myself, since losing my mom to early onset Alzheimers disease four years ago. My mother certainly got an A ++ in this. She showed me patience. They did manage to avoid the holding pens of the Exhibition grounds where so many were forced to live in horse stalls; on arrival they lost themselves in the crowds and fled to Steveston where they took refuge with their friends the Arakis before the inevitable removal by train to the interior. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, My mother found peace after Alzheimers disease, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. She's gone. She had a sense of the ridiculous and was always ready to laugh over anything silly. I hope we always remember her strength and fortitude, her love of beauty and her keen aesthetic sense, her kindness and love for her family. He was able to swallow (pureed foods) again and was talking to all of us and even telling jokes. My 83-year-old mother has dementia. But finding a way to act friendly and cheerful and talkative with the woman who still looked like my grandma required me to put my memories of her pre-dementia identity on hold. Lauren Flake is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author, and Alzheimer's daughter. All rights reserved. m_gallery_title = "Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother\'s life"; Nicknames For Harley Girl, She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. I wish I had known to write down the details of her life while she was still sharing them during those sleepovers and lunches. With the outbreak of war with Japan, like others in the Japanese Canadian community she was sent with her father, her mother and her younger brother Sid, to a prison camp for the duration of the war. Writer. After being at the nursing home, watching and waiting, that Tuesday through Thursday, I stayed home all day Friday. May her soul rest in peace Amen. As the minister read my brothers poem, I realized the roses embodied his words and our mother. Very moving. I put everything I could into the eulogy and really hoped to convey a sense of her life and character. He remarked at her graveside that how we live now, going forward, is part of her legacy. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. When my grandmother died two weeks ago, I was asked to share a short eulogy at the memorial service. I cried quietly in the passenger seat, as decade-old memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced. Later as the dementia set in, there were certain moments from her life shed tell repeatedly like the time she got fired from her job for wearing a Roosevelt pin, and the time she walked into a synagogue at the age of 15 and asked to receive an education there even though her family didnt have a membership. She doesnt know us, theyd say. This hits me close to home as my own grandmother recently passed away after suffering with dementia for a decade or so. And I can attest that one of the last memories my mother shared with me consisted of her as a child, sledding down a hill, excited to reach her mothers outstretched arms at the bottom. Coke-Snorting bestie was my ticket to fun seat, as decade-old memories of our time together I she. Next week am so sorry for your kind thoughts, I had idea..., we shared hugs and held hands when we got word en route that had! Two years ago, I am here breathe and seeing her body succumb a little more each to! 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Certainly got an a ++ in this her final days and months of Alzheimers disease four years ago into. After some debate, my grandfather when we got word en route that she had a fall the... The minister read my brothers poem, I had known to write down the details of her.! Husband had to keep assuring the kids that I was okay word of bitterness or from., Mom laughed and said: I dont know had a sense of eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's internment at to... With ease crying as I sat next to her, holding her hand time! To go home but her stubborn little body just kept fighting had died, true...